How to Arrange a Playdate

As any city or suburban parent knows all too well, the days are long gone when a child could run out onto an empty street on a sunny day and join an impromptu stickball game organized by the neighborhood kids. Today, pretty much any kid under 10 who wants to have an after-school social life needs to be set up on a playdate, a task that usually falls to the parent or babysitter. Here s how to go about it.

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Step1
Ask your kid who she likes to play with. Many parents blithely arrange playdates with any child who happens to be available, regardless of whether the kids involved are actually compatible. If you ask, you ll know that your daughter really likes playing with Janie, and really doesn t like playing with Amanda. Circumstances being what they are, she may wind up with Amanda anyway, but at least you ll know her preferences.


Step2
Be friendly, but businesslike. Fortunately, calling another adult to ask for a playdate isn t quite as fraught with fear and uncertainty as calling another adult to ask for a real date. Be sure to identify yourself ( Hi, this is Gretchen, Billy s mom ) and ask if little Jack would like to come over for a visit, or if it s okay for Billy to come over and visit Jack. Some negotiation may be involved ( Jack has his violin lesson today. Can I drop him off at your house tomorrow afternoon? ), but that s to be expected.


Step3
Act responsibly. When you host a playdate, you re acting in loco parentis (with the emphasis on the loco ) for your friend s child. If your kid and her friend are younger than 6, don t leave them alone in the bedroom for hours at a time while you watch TV in the den and even if they re older than 6, be sure to check in on them occasionally. Make sure their activities are wrapped up by the time you promised to take Janie home (or her dad has arranged to drop by to pick her up).


Step4
Foot the bill. There s one way in which a playdate is like a real date: If you take the initiative and invite another child over to your house, you ve implicitly agreed to give that kid a hearty snack and (possibly) allow him to stay over for dinner. By the same token, if your playdate involves going to a movie or show, pick up the tab for both kids the other mom will do the same when it s her turn.


Step5
Reciprocate. Most busy parents, if given the choice, would rather pack their child off to a friend s house than host a three-hour playdate. For this reason, it s unfair to your neighbors to continually arrange away dates, which will come to seem more like an unpaid form of child care than a way to build your childrens' social lives. Even if you sense your friend likes having little ones in her home, be sure to offer to take on the hosting duties every now and then, just for etiquette's sake.


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